- When you get angry, you don’t get over it. Sometimes it lasts until you explode, or it may go inside to fuel the fires of your rage. You may be one who “holds a grudge.”
- You never get angry. You just don’t have the emotion. There are times when you know you should be angry, but the emotion just doesn’t seem to come.
- Your anger is “watered down” and you never fully release it.
- You feel frustrated, disappointed or irritable much of the time, but you just don’t ever get angry. Anger may be an unacceptable emotion to you, whereas frustration, disappointment or irritability are more acceptable, however unpleasant. This can interfere with or prevent any meaningful level of fulfillment or joy in life.
- You are sarcastic or cynical about yourself, others or the world around you. You may tease others with “velvet daggers” in some of your “jokes,” only to be surprised when they don’t want to be around you. You don’t openly express anger but it is leaking out all the time.
- You may be depressed frequently and for long periods of time. You don’t express anger openly but take it out on yourself, whether you realize it or not. This can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior or perhaps major illness (Pearsall, 1987).
- Perhaps you are angry all the time. You may be verbally, emotionally or even physically abusive to others in personal and professional relationships. This doesn’t mean that you are a bad person, but it certainly means you need to learn to manage your anger. If you have indeed been abusive, it is almost certain that you will need professional help to work through your problems with anger.
- You feel powerless in your own life—powerless to make the changes you choose to reach your goals. Though you may not use the word, you feel like a victim much of the time. You probably have many ways to explain why you can’t live your dreams, all of which seem very reasonable to you. The point is that if you are denying your power by denying your emotions, you are getting in your own way. To claim all of your emotions as your allies, and to express them in healthy ways is to maximize your resources for your own expression of purpose in your life.
If you feel that any of these examples apply to you, then you probably have a problem with anger. You will find helpful plans and suggestions throughout this book that are designed to move you toward emotional health and overall well being.
This is an excerpt from Dr. DeFoore’s best selling book.
Ashley W. said,
April 30, 2009 at 8:24 pm
I get mad very easily, but it is usually with only certain people, I don’t get along with them well, and they have done cruel abuse, one guy was physical, mental,verbal, and the other was mental and verbally abusive to me,and one is sexually abusive to my best friend to get sex(Her boyfriend), the other guy is my ex boyfriend.
When they do or say something mean or pull Guilt trips to get their way, I get soo mad at them, I literally will have to try really hard to not punch or slap them, I get mad at them so easily, I call them names, and scream at them. Do I have Anger Management problems or something else? What can I do to stop all of these feelings? I am 14 years old, and live in Illinois.
sean said,
June 10, 2009 at 6:58 pm
i get very frustrated with things that take a long time e.g. like my pc and the anger i feel really feels over the top for a small thing i want to punch things sometime i do including myself. also my family sometimes make be really angry and i just go to my room and go mad quietly, all these things that make me angry i keep bottled up to myself and if i am a bit drunk i may start a fight over some very very small and when i do fight i go completely mental its scary
Dr. DeFoore said,
June 10, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Hello Sean
If you like, you can submit your story for some free anger management counseling on this page.
My best to you,
Dr. DeFoore
paris said,
July 24, 2009 at 3:29 pm
at times i get very angry at my boyfriend. It’s so serious that destroyed our house i break things i spase out of control do i need help
Dr. DeFoore said,
July 27, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Yes, Paris. It sounds like you definitely need help. You can submit your request for free online counseling here. Definitely get some help, because it sounds like you are being destructive. You are a good person, and you want to do better, and that’s why you asked your question.
My best,
Dr. DeFoore
Luke said,
September 16, 2009 at 4:02 am
When i get in fights with my girlfriend i usually am calm and try to talk things through but sometimes i get angry and will hit things (such as a wall) or throw things. Its like i lose control of myself…..i dont want to cause any harm or become that angry but it just happens without my control. It sometimes scares my girlfriend and i want to know how control this. I dont want it to cause anyone to be harmed unintentionally. is there a way to help control this issue?
Dr. DeFoore said,
September 16, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Hi Luke
Thanks for asking for help here. I will give you a very detailed response, but you will need to go to this page and submit your question.
Meanwhile, if you don’t want to do that, try reading this story and my response, and see if that helps.
You’re a good person, Luke, or you wouldn’t be asking for help here. Go to my main site http://www.angermanagementresource.com and you’ll find lots of great help there.
Dr. DeFoore
Nicola said,
September 21, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Im 16…….i think i might have an anger problem. im really angry to the people closest to me. one day me and my best friend that i know for 7 years, were eating sweets and i got annoyed and threw a sweet at her. she threw it back at me and then i got up and hit her in the head. she hit me back in the head and then i went physcho at her. i dont even remember it really, but i remember pushing her to the ground and kicking her really hard in the stomach. she then went off crying. after it my heart was racing and my hands were shaking and i felt so guilty for doing it. she forgived me later and said that there’s something really wrong with me. the other day aswell, my brother was calling a name i hate the most. and i ran up to my room and slammed my door and picked up my chair and threw it at the wall. my room ended up in a big mess. i was shouting at the top of my lungs aswell. i always have a really bad headache and feel dizzy sometimes aswell. i tought i could me anemic but the doctor said its definitly not. when i get angry i clench my fists or grind my teeth or kick/punch an object. its mostly with people i know the most and love the most that i take it out on. i dont really want to go to the doctor/concillor to see if i have it because i dont want to make an idiot out of myself if i dont…..DO I NEED HELP??? PLEASE WRITE BACK…THANKS
wgdefoore said,
September 21, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Hi Nicola
Thanks for asking for help here. I will give you more detailed response, if you will go to this page and submit your question.
Meanwhile, if you don’t want to do that, try reading this story and my response, and see if that helps.
From what you have said above, there is no question–you definitely have an anger problem, and you need to get some help. Go to my main site http://www.angermanagementresource.com and you’ll find lots of great help there, or see what is available in your area.
You are a good person inside, Nicola, and that’s why you don’t want to hurt people and feel guilty when you do. That good person inside is who you really are, and that is where your healing will come from.
Believe in yourself.
My very best to you,
Dr. DeFoore
Nicola said,
September 21, 2009 at 11:12 pm
where should i go to get help?? i dont think my mum will believe that i have it. do i definitely have it?? thanks for your help
wgdefoore said,
September 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Hi Nicola
I suggest you sit down with your mom and have a long talk, and tell her everything about your anger. Maybe even show her what you’ve written on this blog. I don’t know that much about you, just what you’ve written. And from what you’ve written, I’d say you need some help. You need to communicate with your mom about this. It will be very hard for you to get help without her support.
You can, however, read everything on this page and practice these anger management techniques.
Most important, don’t give up on yourself!
Dr. DeFoore
Nicola said,
September 22, 2009 at 4:06 pm
ok thanks for helping. do i have to go to someone to get checked out??