Anger Management

Hi Mark, David, Peter and others…

Thanks for your comments. It’s good to know there are folks out there thinking along the same lines!

William

Anger Management Tips For Your Home

Your home is very important! It is supposed to be your safe haven, your place of recuperation and rest–but all too often it becomes a battleground for too many people. Here are some things you can do:

• These Anger Management Techniques are a good place to start.
• Focus on what you love and appreciate about every member of your family, including yourself. I know that might be hard if you’re really mad–and that’s why it works so well! When you are successful at remembering what you appreciate about someone, it gets hard to stay mad at them.
• When anger does come up, look for the pain and fear that is behind it, and try to address that. For example, a mother was having trouble with her daughter being cruel to her younger siblings. So, I suggested she say, “That really hurts when you act that way. You must be hurting too, or you wouldn’t be doing this. We need to talk and spend some time together so that I can figure out what is bothering you. This cruelty and unkindness is unacceptable in our home.” Then, the mother needs to spend one-on-one time with the daughter to understand her pain and fear that is causing her anger and cruelty.
• Create consistent, reliable structure that makes sense. Families that eat together, for example, are generally healthier physically and psychologically. Consistent bedtimes, coming home from work times, etc. also provide a sense of stability for family members who are emotionally unstable.
• If it works at all for your belief system, attend worship services in the church of your choice. It has been found consistently that families that attend religious services regularly are more stable and emotionally healthy.

Keep in mind that no one of these techniques is enough alone–especially if someone is having big anger problems. All of them together, however, will definitely help!

Anger Management Tips For The Workplace

As you know, many people get angry at work, usually for very good reasons. For example, you may be a victim of discrimination or some other type of abuse. You may be overlooked for a promotion, picked on or even sexually harrassed. Of course, it’s also possible that you get angry at work without good reason–the reason might be coming from home or your personal history. Either way, you don’t want your anger to cost you your job in these difficult economic times! Here are some ideas about what you can do to keep your angry healthy at work:

• If you think you might be facing a workplace violence situation, either from you or someone else, act immediately–go to this web page and learn what you can do to prevent catastrophe or loss of life.
• Find ways to feel good and have fun while at work. Take lunch breaks, share a joke with a co-worker, put plants and family pictures in your workspace, for a few basic ideas. The idea is, the more positive emotions you experience, the less anger you will have–or at least you might be able to keep it from being as big.
• Keep in mind that you are a good person, with a good heart. If that wasn’t true, you would not even be taking the time to read this newsletter. Say positive, comforting things to yourself about yourself. Anger often comes from low self-worth, self-doubt, guilt or even self-loathing. So, it follows that if you can be “your own best friend” instead of “your own worst enemy,” you will be much better at managing your anger.
• If these ideas seem to be too lightweight or not strong enough for your situation, you may need anger management counseling, or you might want to read these books or listen to these CDs.

Tips for Everyday Life

This business of managing anger is not just that–managing anger. It is a matter of learning how to create the alternatives to anger, specifically:

• Happiness–for no particular reason
• Appreciation–of what is good, right and working, right now. There is always a lot that is already what you want. When you shift your focus to that, you will automatically become less angry, and move closer to a feeling of contentment.
• Acceptance–of those things that “set you off” or “push your buttons.”
• Forgiveness–this is something you do for yourself, not for the person you are forgiving. They don’t have to earn it–you forgive because it is good for you to forgive. Old anger becomes toxic to your body and mind, and forgiveness is your detox program. Learn more on our love, anger and forgiveness page.
• You might want to learn the Hawaiian technique called “Ho’oponopono.” It is basically a technique where you 1.) Focus on the your inner creative spirit that is the very best of who you are, and 2.) Speak to that part of you, saying, “I love you. I’m sorry. Forgive me. Thank you.” This is a powerful approach and can produce amazing results if practiced regularly. You can learn more in Joe Vitale’s book, Zero Limits.
• Remember–that it takes more guts, more strength and more power to be kind and compassionate and do the right thing than it does to be angry and attack. You get angry because you don’t like feeling like a helpless vicitim to situations around you, but your anger only makes things worse. By having the courage to be kind and compassionate and work toward a solution, you are doing your part to make things better, thereby easing your anger and improving the situation.
• One of the places where anger can show up really strong is at school. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here, because you’ll find all you need to know on this page about understanding and preventing school violence. Everything listed above will help for dealing with anger at school as well as at home and work.

When I talk about healthy anger, I think a lot of times people think I’m talking about righteous anger. But they are very different. Righteous anger usually means being extremely angry, but for a good reason. This kind of anger can often be aggressive and harmful–not necessarily healthy. Healthy anger may be a kind of quiet power, that requires no physically exagerated expression at all. Healthy anger is pure and simply energy–powerful energy directed toward effective action. A lot of what we consider constructive action is fueled by healthy anger. Any time you or anyone doesn’t like something or feels frustrated or threatened by something and takes positive productive action, that is healthy anger at work. We really need a total reeducation in this area. What most people know about anger has only to do with unhealthy anger. Your comments are welcome!

Anger is simply a strong emotion in response to something that threatens or opposes you. It’s not a bad thing. I use my anger to fuel powerful effective action to make the world a better place. As a matter of fact, my professional work on the issue of anger is partly a healthy anger response to the fact that most of the world seems to think anger is bad and must be controlled or eliminated. What they really mean is that destruction and violence must be controlled or eliminated.

 Anger can fuel loving and kind action that literally saves lives. Think of M.A.D.D. Those mothers were mad, and they got busy. They took powerful, healthy, safe action to solve a problem that had hurt them deeply and personally. That’s healthy anger.

 But your anger may not be healthy. It might be like a beast you fear, that sometimes comes out and hurts your loved ones. You must learn to understand and embrace the beast, and then your anger will become your ally.

 Forgive for your own benefit. Forgive because it will help you breathe more deeply and evenly. Forgive because withholding forgiveness means holding on to toxic anger and bitterness that will harm your health. Forgiving others doesn’t let them “off the hook,” it lets you off the hook of resentment. Forgiveness is for the forgiver, just as hatred hurts the hater. Choose love, choose joy, choose light-heartedness and good feelings because they will help you function better body, mind and spirit. Choose joy and love because that is who you are, and returning to these positive emotions is like coming home to your true and authentic nature as a fine human being. Learn more about Love, Anger and Forgiveness.

 Each of us is born with a warrior spirit. This is simply the “fight” part of our “fight or flight” reflex. When we deny or suppress this powerful energy, it can make us sick, depressed or violent. By working consciously with anger and all of our emotions we can develop the warrior spirit into the Spiritual Warrior. The warrior spirit only uses a primitive part of our brain, whereas the Spiritual Warrior uses the whole brain and the heart. The warrior spirit may become the proverbial “loose cannon” or “bull in a china shop” without a sense of purpose. The Spiritual Warrior is totally focused and completely devoted to the fulfillment of your positive life purpose. Learn more in Anger Among Angels.